17:39 on 19 March 2009
So, the sun’s coming out to play more and more often and I thought it was only fair to address the issue of women and their Cleavage before summer’s upon us and it’s just too late, mainly because before you know it we’re up to our nuts in tits…
So, what’s the deal ladies, and you all know who you are. Let me set the scene, of which there are many.
Firstly, It’s a nice day, your feeling good, you want to go out and set the world on fire with your womanly charms, and so out comes a top, bra, dress or blouse that tries to squeeze every ounce of womanliness into a separate entity, one that often should have its own name and in some cases its own form of transport. Far from me to complain, but as a member of the male species I can’t help notice when such assets enter my field of vision, often minutes before the host eventually does. This is often one of the best forms of justification for men to enjoy the summer but it shouldn’t be so, should it…?
I have nothing against a heaving bosom, yet, but it makes you wonder how well we’d be appreciated if we strutted down the street with our testicles popping over our belt buckles, resting on our short tops as we gracefully sat by the pool. I’m sure there would be less women as impressed as the male species are over such ample delights. Admittedly there are a few ungraceful members of the male species who may inadvertently let a glimpse show as they raise a leg in such shorts, but they are either cocky or ignorant of the subtleties of the imagination and the power of such an abject display.
I’ve personally nearly dropped many a sausage as a friend or colleague has accidentally come out to give a cheeky glimpse of his trouser worm whilst in public. It’s not clever, and it’s not wise, and to be fair, whilst the female form can be one of true beauty, the male form can at times be akin to a dead turkey, lazily flapping in the wind. Something that you may want to confine to someone who at least is keen to share your pet, or at least wait till you’re in private or in a cell of your own…And in the dark!
I also can’t understand women who after trying to hoist their breasts higher than the flag often take offence if they catch you taking a cheeky glimpse. Truth be known, it’s usually hard to look at anything else when Bill and Ben have come out to play, and after all we are all animals, built to survive on instinct and impulse alone. Exhibiting ones beauty is a sign we all respond to, its nature’s mating call, a need within us all to show we’re virile and healthy, however please don’t be surprised that if your cleavage shows up on google earth, then there won’t be a hot-blooded male that won’t be wanting to have a sneaky peak, just for research obviously!
Here in Greece its hard for women to hide their beauty as it’s a beautiful country full of beautiful people, but also full of people who have desires. Such mammoth displays of boob heaving aren’t necessary, if you feel you may pop out at any time, then you may, exactly that, its enough warning to yourself surely, but nowhere near enough notice for the rest of us. Please bear that in mind.
Also some women think your being rude when you stare at their obviously tweaked upholstery! Being rude surely is to ignore you and all the effort that has gone into looking so seductive and sexy is it not… being rude would be to cover them in strawberry sauce and devour them one by one…being rude would be to bury ones face in them and to pray for a merciful end… otherwise why squeeze into such minuscule outfits anyway? ;D
When its hot I understand there the right for us all to strip off and strut around naked however there are rules that apply to keep the public sane. Similarly there are common sense factors that cover such issues. If I walked about with my vanity on show I’d expect to be locked up by the Police, or worse (though here in Greece there’s not much worse) – trust me…
So women have it lucky on that front…!
Bottom cleavage is another thing, I accept that there are times when through grace we are unable to conceal our little cheeky bosom, our work may force us to do unrepentant things that expose us fully or partially and despite this maybe being accidental, there are levels of hygiene to accommodate if we are to be in such situations regularly. Some women may like seeing a builders arse, I myself have no objection to female builders working out ungracefully in tiny shorts, but this is rarely the case.
Fashion recently has made a select number of people think that by going out revealing your pants is cool, ok, fashion is fashion, on some people it may suit, but if you weigh 300 lbs and you’ve seen some model looking fabulous in some magazine, then I don’t care what you think, you’re going to look like your about to explode as the imminent cheese wire scythes you in half.
In the UK we call them muffin tops, when you see a slightly larger woman wearing something that squeezes her butt fat over her jeans, well, that’s an over cooked muffin! If that’s you, you need to watch Macedonia TV and get one of them fat suits, they probably advertise them everywhere but GET ONE!
To me, it’s never a good look, Chav culture has adopted them as the new street ware, but come on, even fat hookers wouldn’t risk exposing such flab, there are better ways to try to look sexy, or don’t! Secondary, even on a beautiful woman it can lose appeal, remember, it’s the imagination that inspires, putting it all on show is like being at the market, so many melons out on display makes you want an ice cream instead…Either that or you’ll spend forever feeling around to get the best one…
Life’s not a market ladies, but we all love shopping… Just remember who you want us to talk to and don’t be surprised if there’s at least three of us in the conversation…