Aliens ‘hijack’ Nasa’s Voyager 2 spacecraft…

Finally… The story I’ve been dreaming of, the changing point in mankind’s perception of the universe, the concept that we are not alone…

Life in outer space!

“Aliens have hijacked a NASA spacecraft and are using it to try to contact earth, a UFO expert has claimed.”

And that sadly is where the story then goes tits up!

A UFO expert…

Say no more. I could be a UFO expert, but then so could you. In fact I have decided that I am one now anyway… So, is there a college you can enrol in to become a UFO expert, a Diploma you can take, an apprenticeship you can take? After passing all five stars at McDonald’s, do they promote you to UFO expert…?

No!

What were left with is probably an individual who has probably watched too many X-files shows, owns his own re-mastered digitally enhanced Star Wars collection on DVD, and Video, and who enjoys taking trips to all the latest Sci-Fi conventions. He is probably fluent in Klingon and knows that deep down, he knows a lot more about the Roswell incident than anyone else because he’s seen footage on the internet that proves that it like many other incidents was just a big conspiracy…

“Since its launch, Voyager 2 has been sending streams of data back to Earth for study by scientists, but on April 22, 2010, that stream of information suddenly changed.”

Wow, sounds promising so far! Maybe instead of sending back valuable information about the Universe and space, it’s now posting YouTube video’s on NASA’s homepage, tagging them in photographs taken from the Hubble telescope and poking them whenever possible…

“Hartwig Hausdorf, a German academic, believes that the reason Voyager 2, an unmanned probe that has been in space since 1977, is sending strange messages that are confusing scientists, is because it has been taken over by extraterrestrial life.”

Well, does it really take much to confuse scientists…? Clearly with matters involving science and the laws of physics and probability they are probably difficult to sway, however with common sense and rationality I wouldn’t have thought much would be able to have them all stood around scratching their heads.

Ask a scientist for the time of day though and they will undoubtedly want a hundred and one parameters to subdivide the locality, the conditions in which time and space is relevant and the proximity to your exact whereabouts at the moment in question.

I just want the time f*ckwit. Don’t make me slap you for it…Because I will.

So, on the other hand, there could be a simple explanation!

“NASA claimed that a software problem with the flight data system was the cause but Mr Hausdorf believes it could be the work of aliens.”

I’m with Mr Hausdorf on this one. You see several years ago I had a strange encounter with a copy of Windows 98, whereby for several years my computer had been working fine, till one day unexpectedly and without apparent reason, its stopped working…

My local PC expert claimed that the Hard drive may have failed, maybe the software had become corrupt, maybe I had no power in the building or simply I had unplugged it by accident, maybe I had wiped the drive, maybe I had removed vital components from my PC subconsciously…

Fortunately we discovered the source of the problem. ALIENS…

 

It was clear. The reason why I hadn’t spotted it before was because when they’d travelled the length of the universe to reach mankind and sabotage my PC, they also obviously beamed me up and probably probed me in all manner of sexual ways, clearly for scientific experimentation.

When they had returned me to Earth they had wiped my brain of any memories of the nights events and left without trace. I know it seems hard to believe but its true. How else could I explain my PC not working and my fetish for Galaxy chocolate bars!

Fortunately for me the therapy has helped but I still have lingering doubts as to what happened on that dark night.

It was dark, obviously, the clues in the ‘night’ bit, it may have been sinister as well, I have no recollection of what I may have done to them either. Waking me in the middle of the night can often have painful repercussions for anyone trying to disturb me from my slumber, especially if your from another planet as my ex-wife often found out.

I don’t think that I’d be one of these people who would idly stand staring at the sight of an Alien space craft descending to Earth, nor would I probably be one of these who calmly wanted to make first contact in a civilised manner. I could be wrong who knows, till it happens (again) I won’t know.

Firstly I believe in equal rights to everyone, that includes men women and especially Alien lifeforms.

If I get the choice, anyone seen trying to get into my house would be met with the same brutality as that of a Burglar trying to steal my worldly goods. To be honest, I don’t care where your from. What your reasons, why or how, but I will do all I can to make sure the police never found your body again.

It’s just the way it is. If you’re a Burglar no one knows where your going, when you’ll be back or what to do if you go missing, and I’ll do my damned best to make sure that me and the local Police aren’t wasting unnecessary Tax payers money by trying to justify your sorry ass robbing people for a life. No way.

It does make me think though, one day I really must return to the house i was living in at the time and actually have a look at what’s under that hastily built pond I made that night!

But seriously, Aliens do that sort of thing. Why else would they have travelled all that way to Earth just screw up my PC without their being a deeper meaning… I also further noticed on inspection that I had run out of cigarettes and that all my Monster munch had gone missing during the night as well. The copious bag of weed that was mysteriously in my house was half empty and there wasn’t any chocolate for miles…

Aliens I tell you… They’re everywhere…

So, after further examination of my PC it turns out that I had indeed been visited by Aliens. Not only had they sabotaged my PC and half eaten my munchies, smoked my weed and left the TV on, but they had messed my hair up and stolen my Rizla’s.

That was  the last straw.

Similarly to Mr Hausdorf, I suspect he’s also wondering where his Rizla’s are this morning…

“NASA claimed that a software problem with the flight data system was the cause.”

So who do we believe, a bunch of scientists working for NASA or a self acclaimed UFO expert…? I know where my money is…

He told the German newspaper Bild: “It seems almost as if someone has reprogrammed or hijacked the probe – thus perhaps we do not yet know the whole truth.”

Conclusive proof that we are about to maybe face the biggest threat to humanity.

If you want my advice…

Lube up and get ready for Invasion!!!

Aliens, anal probe, nasa, area 51, conspiracies
Independence Day eat your heart out…

About Simon Rawicz

Hmmm, It is about me I suppose... Work hard die young seems to be the motto life's going to write on my coffin well before we agree on terms and conditions. I'm a 2D/3D Artist/Designer and Multi-media specialist by trade, I play guitar and write songs when I'm not wanting to vent my anger out on the system. If I occasionally do get time to do anything else I'd like to know about it... Meanwhile to free my mind of the many demons that stalk me, I write stuff, your reading it so I don't need to tell you any more than that surely...!
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4 Responses to Aliens ‘hijack’ Nasa’s Voyager 2 spacecraft…

  1. Measly says:

    What fuckwit still asks people for the time?

    Like

  2. Pingback: A bit nipply. – Write or wrong?

  3. Simon Rawicz says:

    Reblogged this on Write or wrong? and commented:

    Ask a scientist for the time of day though and they will undoubtedly want a hundred and one parameters to subdivide the locality, the conditions in which time and space is relevant and the proximity to your exact whereabouts at the moment in question.

    I just want the time f*ckwit. Don’t make me slap you for it…Because I will.

    Like

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