Can’t Cook, Won’t cook…

Who’s today’s special of the Day…?

Well, it seems that prison food isn’t quite up to scratch these days after a convict killed and then cooked his cellmate. It’s a shame we don’t see more of this on Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen nightmares…

Now that would be good TV, a little extreme but I think I’d have to watch it just to believe it.

Apparently a couple of inmates had a disagreement over a hygiene issue, one which was rapidly resolved when one of the convicts killed the other and then proceeded to carve him open so he wouldn’t have to stand in line for his usual helping of prison slop and could proceed to then cook him as he chose!

Two slightly alarming things run through my head with that previous statement, they are the following :

Firstly we have to hope that the one who didn’t suffer the hygiene issues was the one served up, and the other is that he had chance to cook him…!? WTF!

Its one thing to kill your cell mate (or not) and get away with it for a short period of time, but to then proceed to cook him and not be spotted doing so is quite an achievement surely?

I personally didn’t think prisoners had access to all the mod cons within their cells, washing machine, cooker, microwave and a prisoner sized large Wok! Or is it my mistake, did he assume Chef duty later that day and then proceed to drag his prize to the prison kitchens whereby he got a light marinade on, prepared Veg and then set about dismembering the body!

Either way, I’m all for prisoners helping do their bit to solve the overcrowding process, this method though a little unusual does save the average Tax payer a little money in the future I’m sure, and the knowledge that another future crime won’t be committed should they have potentially turned out to be a repeat offender. Also, the convict who was eager to appear on Master Chef will now hopefully also serve an extended sentence whereby he can attempt to further his culinary skills on other members of the prison community.

If we as society think about it, we could maximize the potential and turn prisons into sort of human self recycling battery farms, fatten them all up on each other till the last one remains and gains the title of prison Master Chef. We’d give them an award and send them to the next prison whereby he could get stuck into he next batch of big juicy prisoners.

Plus, as general peace-loving non criminal members of the community it would maybe help reinforce the desire to not commit crime quite so freely.

Its one thing to be locked up, but another to be locked up with Hannibal Lecter…

I say vote now for your prison to host the next Master Chef and help fight crime, cook a criminal today…

*Le Big Mac

"I'm going to call it 'Le Big Mac', mainly as his name's Mac and he's French..."

*(Image by unknown source)

About Simon Rawicz

Hmmm, It is about me I suppose... Work hard die young seems to be the motto life's going to write on my coffin well before we agree on terms and conditions. I'm a 2D/3D Artist/Designer and Multi-media specialist by trade, I play guitar and write songs when I'm not wanting to vent my anger out on the system. If I occasionally do get time to do anything else I'd like to know about it... Meanwhile to free my mind of the many demons that stalk me, I write stuff, your reading it so I don't need to tell you any more than that surely...!
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One Response to Can’t Cook, Won’t cook…

  1. Pingback: A bit nipply. – Write or wrong?

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