Holy Toast Batman, there’s a picture of Jesus on my Cheese Toastie…

Well, what a day so far.

I woke up, had a beautiful cup of real Tea thanks to a surprise shipment from my mum, (you rock x), and then proceeded to read another great story about some lunatic who’d discovered a ‘lifelike’ image of the Son of God on his cheese toastie…

Now where I live the average cheese toastie costs about 4.50 euro’s, I’m not sure what the price is for one with God’s son etched onto it will cost but I’m sure it won’t be cheap. Having then discovered this, would you then eat it? Sell it on eBay? Or try to turn it into a holy shrine dedicated to healing…?

Personally, I’d eat it… It’s a cheese toastie at the end of the day! One I’d have been looking forward to eating at any cost and when I’m hungry I wouldn’t even care if it was made WITH the Son of God, it’s a cheese toastie, my cheese toastie and about to be eaten.

It’s not that I don’t respect Religion, I do, but a toastie is a toastie, eating priests and choir boys is something else, not my thing but hunger is hunger. I wouldn’t want you to push the theory though and leave me on a desert Island with a priest as expecting there to be two of us when the rescue party arrives, that would probably be a little unrealistic.

Sure I’d be sad afterwards, and I’d probably be doing a lot of praying, praying that he lasted a bit longer, or praying that I found some onions and mushrooms, or a nice sauce that might help him go round, but I’d be the one worrying about if I need a diet by the time I was on my way home that’s for sure.

Now as for the toastie story, how does anyone know what Jesus looks like!?

You know, is it such a bizarre question to ask… Having not actually seen a real photo fit image or photograph on the internet or in any books – even the Bible doesn’t have a picture of the Author or any of its co-writers anywhere and that’s after lord knows how many reprints, new editions – AND if there were a Directors Cut available on DVD, that wouldn’t have a genuine picture either, I just know it..

Hold on, I think I know why now, no one actually knows what he looks like do they…!

Especially some dumb ass Joe Public. I wouldn’t even expect the Pope to really have a clue to be honest, but certainly not someone who’s crazy enough to even contemplate the fact that out of all the mysteries in the Universe, Jesus would choose to appear on HIS toastie…

It’s funny how most ‘appearances’ on toastie’s, crisps, potatoes and many of the other items that people find his face etched on all resemble the stereotypical portrayal made by Hollywood in the 50’s, similarly used by authors and printers who for generations have accepted it as an acceptable depiction of Jesus Christ!

You know the one, nice white dude, flowing hair, bit of a beard, Marks & Spencer’s robe all looking rather serene. I’d have thought that with what he’d apparently been through, he’d be looking a little more p*ssed off myself, but hey, he may have been able to forgive everyone by now. Hardly a true representation of a Jesuit from the Mediterranean area who lived a life of poverty and self-sacrifice for the greater good is it?

However its maybe not so Interesting to read about how maybe Jim Caviezel appeared on your cheese toastie is it, or what if Charlton Heston made an appearance as Moses in your frappe…!

Could I still sell that on eBay, probably, people buy any sh*te these days but that’s not my point.

Then yesterday I read another article about how another fruitcake spotted Jesus whilst browsing on Google maps.

E's not the Messiah
E’s not the Messiah – E’s a very Naughty Boy…

So…Was he out shopping, buying a new house, or at the beach…? No, just his face was spread across the terrain in a very vague, Photoshop kind of way. It’s all well and good to see things that maybe resemble things in a strange ironic way but come on, its coincidence, nothing else. FACT.

Assuming it wasn’t a Photoshop job, its was just a vague image with a few things that may if you really thought long and hard about it, may resemble someone who had a beard and long hair. Lets face it, it could have been the singer out of ZZ TOP for all we know.

I’ve seen a fair share of uncanny things in my time. One of my ex-girlfriends often resembled the Devil, coincidence, NO, but what could I do, had she appeared later on my toastie, then I really would have been worried, but she hasn’t so far, having said that I won’t be paying four and a half euro’s to find out just in case.

So, Jesus… If we knew what he looked like it might help… We would maybe then and only then have at least a small indication of what we might be able to compare him with, till then, anyone who claims to have seen him appear anywhere just wants a big hug, and maybe locking up if they persist.

I’ve seen more vivid depictions in the clouds, drunk and sober, and despite this I acknowledge the fact that it wasn’t anyone sending me secret messages, it wasn’t God, Buddha or Charlton Heston wanting me to save the world, to not eat my toastie or sell it on eBay.


3 thoughts on “Holy Toast Batman, there’s a picture of Jesus on my Cheese Toastie…

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