Too many fckdup stories, just not enough time…

Well the News recently has been a veritable banquet of rich pickings to investigate if you’re inclined like me to wonder about the state of mankind as a whole, especially when it’s so dubiously presented, so ridiculously ripe full of stories which can’t help raise an eyebrow or two about the content and the things which actually either happen or are reported on these days!

Firstly there was several articles covering the ‘Moat’ story in the UK. For those of you unaware of it recently, some real head-case went crazy after coming out of prison, went on a rampage and had everyone except Bin Laden looking for him. Apparently 16 Police forces across Britain were involved, the S.A.S, several Marksmen unit’s and then to top it off, a Tornado Jet…!

WTF… How fast could this guy travel and what was he driving around in – a Chieftain Tank…?

I’m not sure of the specifics but a Tornado travelling at 850 mph would probably have as much chance of spotting him as I would with the Hubble telescope!

As for the man power being used to apprehend one guy, then it’s slightly worrying to say the least because if any more than three maniacs went on the rampage it seems like England would have to resort to the Draft to enlist a small Army of people to subdue them.

Lets face it, past records catching people haven’t been that good. 10 years of looking for the world’s tallest Terrorist have still proved fruitless. Bin Laden’s probably the tallest man in the whole of that region of the world and we still can’t spot him…! Surely the best thing to do would be to get everyone to stand up at the same time and arrest the tallest person in sight, just a guess but I’m sure it would have proven to have had more impact than sending troops scouring through the hills on a Mary Poppins chase.

The results of Tasering a man with a gun to his head...
The results of Tasering a man with a gun to his head...

The result of the ‘Moat’ saga was that he apparently blew his head off when being tasered by the police. That’s right, a man holding a gun to his head, desperate to end it all get’s 200,000 volts stuffed up him which surely wouldn’t have helped prolong his life much anyway. I’m no expert but I’d have though that If you’ve got a gun to your head and you suddenly light up like a Christmas tree then the first reaction your body’s going to have is to spasm a little. The fine line between you pulling the trigger involuntarily or not is probably removed from all possibilities when you suddenly start dancing about.

Maybe with so many Sharpshooters, Marksmen, the S.A.S, maybe an option would have been to blow his hand off western stylee… Even my beloved Grandma could have managed a simple shot like that to offer alternatives to trying to recharge him.

Anyway, maybe the Government and Police wanted to end the conflict one way or another, he had tried to kill several Police officers and had sort of Declared war on them so maybe it was retribution of sorts…

Either way, it’s a shame but at the end of the Day the world is one psychopathic idiot less, something I won’t be losing sleep over.

On the flip side of the News was a great story about my favourite Country – Belgium… And yes, that was sarcasm by the way.

It seems that in Belgium, people have grown weary of Burying the dead and Cremating them is also so last season… Some bright spark has devised a way of liquidating people. Not content with the usual process of disposing of your loved ones, now it appears we can have our dearly beloved’s turned into a Frappe!

I work on the principal that when your dead, your pretty much dead really, all that hogwash about staying pure and whole are pretty much irrelevant by the time your officially brain-dead. Same applies to a few who are so-called ‘Alive’ and unofficially brain-dead too!

In an Ideal world, sure it would be nice to be frozen and lie in wait peacefully till we are graciously thawed out and then cured of whatever ailment it was that killed us the first time round, however if you’ve ever frozen a strawberry or similar fruit and seen just how well it thaws out, you’ll understand my point. It’s not good.

Sure it keeps some flavour, even the colours roughly the same too but the soggy mush that was your nice firm fruit is replaced by a squishie…

Yes, that would be YOU that would…

Don’t expect them to find a cure for the humble squishie because they wont. FACT!

So, is it me or does the sound of having your loved ones turned into a soup sound a little off-putting…?

One of the mastermind’s behind the Idea said that test were imminent to see whether or not the liquid would affect the drainage system…

Thankfully getting rid of Aunt Hilda, Uncle Fred and John and Peter was a little easier with a slice of Toast...!
Thankfully getting rid of Aunt Hilda, Uncle Fred and John and Peter was a little easier with a slice of Toast...!

So, you come back from having your mum/dad, lover liquidated, and then have to wonder about how to dispose of the ‘Juice’…

Hmmm, I know, I’ll just flush them down the toilet! There’s a good Idea…

Who the f*ck even thinks of these things… Sure, I know quite a few people who I’d happily flush down the toilet, but chances are I won’t get their remains when they’re extracted, and secondly if I try to do it when they’re alive – I might be the one getting into trouble which sucks but surely, apart from maybe the pet Goldfish, who would ever dream of flushing someone you knew and cared for down the Loo…!?

Imagine having to call a Plumber out for that embarrassing blockage… “Well, thanks for coming at such short notice, you know, I’d just had a really good dump and then when Aunt Matilda went down she just clogged the U-Bend”…

So, my vote’s a firm No on that one!

My last little rant has to be on the World cup this year. What a load of overhyped Sh*te that was… I’m not hugely into football, mainly as for years England have been complete sh*te, now I’m in Greece I hoped they would progress further but sadly it wasn’t to be, and the rest of the countries who usually can kick a ball around all started playing football like a herd of sheep.

Brazil failed where they usually entertain and provide some magic and the rest fell apart like a cheap biscuit in a cup of hot Tea.

I was pleased for Spain though as I did always feel they deserved to win, mainly on the sheer depth of talent they have playing for them this tournament, and true class showed that even when they didn’t play great football, true champions always achieve the results in the end.

So, another four Years of watching the English media over hype a load of overpaid tossers begins AGAIN, and Manchester City begin negotiations on buying the Spanish side…

They think it’s all over… It is now…!


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