Dear Mr Lucas, we seriously need to talk…

Having flicked briefly through the online news today, I got marginally excited to see mention of a current news story relating to one of my favourite film trilogies – Star Wars.

Using the Force is not just appropriate but sometimes the only way you can get a word in...!
Using the Force is not just appropriate but sometimes the only way you can get a word in...!

I didn’t accidentally forget the other three Mr. Lucas, they were just so sh*t that to include them wasn’t an option, plus I felt it better to distance myself from connecting them in anyway for other real ‘Star Wars‘ fans such as myself.

We do know they happened, we just pretend they didn’t…

Unfortunately it was just news unsurprisingly highlighting the fact that they we’re working on the 3D version of the previous films.

Not content with selling us the boxed set, the new boxed set, the directors cut boxed set and then the all new directors cut, digitally enhanced boxed sets already available, we will soon be able to eagerly await three sh*te films in glorious 3D, as well as the original films we’ve already seen 20 times in all new improved 3D.

Well Mr Lucas, unless we get to beat Ja Ja Binks to death in the first three films – it won’t make a difference if you film it in 3D, or the fourth dimension. A truly sh*te film will always be a truly sh*te film – Or three as the case was.

Just an Idea – but why not spend the time, liberty and a little of our hard earned money that we’ve ALREADY spent on the previous f*cking versions and do something different for a change, like maybe write some new stuff that has a story and doesn’t pander to the gut wrenching drizzle you spoon fed us with last time around.

After three great films which we’re filmed (if memory serves me right) – in 1977, you’re C.V’s looking a bit bare to be honest and it’s maybe time you stepped upto the plate.

Admittedly You’ve been involved in several high profile companies and much great innovation within the business, but for f*cks sake. Get with the program.

We’d like more of the same please. Nitty gritty, ass whoopin space piracy with some bad guys causing them problems which inevitably they overcome, cut to credits, some nice explosions, a few fights, some cheesy lines about how using the force is good karma, the baddy dies… Job done.

Simple, no stupid game franchises running the show, no hidden marketing agenda’s governing the characters or plot, and if you just missed that subtle clue in the last sentence – I’ll say it again – ‘Plot’.

Basis for most films, and what you started out with originally and soon threw to the marketing wolves once you conceived the last hair brained attempt to cash in on your previous glories and a once great universe.

Where's George? He's in the can having a Dump, he said something about an Idea for the new films...
Where's George? He's in the cubicle having a Dump - he said something about an Idea for the new films...

Hope you don’t mind me calling you George, but it’s your name so I will, now let me tell you straight.

I personally was hugely disappointed after waiting for so long last time round for you to finally get your finger out and create a follow on Trilogy, albeit in advance of the originals, although this could be your saving grace. Firstly we can destroy all trace of that appalling dirge and produce what you should have done the second time around with today’s technology instead.

Let’s face it, James Cameron whooped yer ass recently with ‘Avatar‘ and maybe showed you how things have been while you’ve been lounging on the beach sipping your little itsy witsy cocktails, and to be fair, as most people in the industry have conceded that 3D films that aren’t filmed in 3D to begin with are pretty dire compared to those that are, unless you’re prepared to re-film the whole lot, wipe our minds to how mind numbingly crap the last three were, and re-introduce some balls into the proceedings, basically you’re just trying to screw me out of six more trips to the Cinema – at today’s prices to see 3 p*ss poor films I wouldn’t go and see anyway let alone again, and three that I probably know back to front anyway and have so many versions of I could probably sell them to you…

So what’s the deal numbnuts…?

Having been one of the original first generation to have fallen in love as a child with your world, it inspired to me years of Lego action, decades of drawing material and now in my current life, possibly one of the main reason’s for which I chose to work in 3D anyway.

But to seriously expect me to cough up potentially 20 euro’s a time to see something I’ve loved and hated already…AGAIN…

To quote my fave Chris Rock saying…


Simple solution is this :

1st :
Deny any knowledge of the prequels, blame internet piracy and the availability of cheap CGI graphics being created by people with no talent or story telling skills, even blame James Cameron for being involved to destroy the George Lucas name and the ‘Star Wars‘ brand before he cunningly released ‘Avatar’.

2nd :
Work on three new films, (I don’t want to point it out, BUT I WILL) as you should have done the first time round, and ditch the f*ckwits who designed half your world and tried to make it Ikea friendly.

3rd :
Call me – Just don’t mention Ja Ja Binks or attempt to justify what you did with THOSE films – or I WILL whoop yer Ass…


2 thoughts on “Dear Mr Lucas, we seriously need to talk…

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