Meet the Malaka’s…

So. let me introduce you to my neighbours – The Malaka’s…

It’s been a long time coming but I figured after the weekend’s exploits it was only fair to provide everyone with a laugh and an inbsight into the minds (lol) of the pathetically sad and inbred losers who live above me and my neighbour here in Athens.

Firstly I have to say, I’m not a city person. Traditionally I’ve always opted for a more serene background to my life and location however since I came to Greece I’ve been living in the sprawling metropolis that is Athens and to be fair it’s difficult to find such expanses.

Maybe f*ckwits such as these exist all over the world and are drawn to cities however to me it’s quite a shock to say the least.

So, there is hillbilly dumbass number 1. He’s in his mid forties I guess, has a face like he’s just shat himself, and he’s a fulltime wanker. He likes to spend his day and nights spitting and throwing cigarettes down on me and my neighbour in between dragging furniture about throughout the night whilst hammering for no reason.

He’s rude, obnoxious, impolite, and a miserly pathetic coward who has nothing else to do in life apart from spy on people and try to cause problems for them. He currently is sporting a rather nice array of facial decorations after we had a ‘talk’ over the weekend but I’ll go into that later on and in his spare time he likes to stand around looking at little girls & boys on their way to school… In the UK it would rhyme with ‘Eedofile’ and you wouldn’t trust him with a barbie doll.

This putrid, arrogant and puss-filled pikie scumbag is accompanied by his halfwit brother and his wife-in-law who live next to him (above my next-door neighbour). These two make up the full compliment of retarded losers who live in our building and for whom have a continual hate campaign against anyone who lives below them so it seems, or is foreign, intelligent, half-decent, Greek or in fact I suspect – alive as they seem to afford the same courteous lack of respect to each other let alone everyone else they know…

History has exposed this vile family for what they are well before I arrived and my dear neighbour has endured much as I have prior to me moving in however since I moved in and we got on as human beings, these people took it upon themselves to try and drive us out the homes we live in.

Needles to say it failed, it would have always failed as I’m the sort of bast*rd who will endure any amount of sh*te to right a wrong. Subsequently this meant that this weekend matters came to a head with myself and the spineless loser who is currently nursing his face back to pieces who lives above me.

In the beginning…

When I first moved in, things weren’t easy (moving’s always en event – I know, I’ve done it enough times now), however I got lucky in having the most genuine, friendly and helpful landlord you could ever hope to know.

Genuinely, he even helped to move me in – How often does that happen. NEVER, that’s how often.

So, after a couple of days of actually being ‘moved in’ a figure appears on the balcony above me. I hear this rough, ignorant question again, ‘Ena Cigaro’ (One Cigarette). No please, no subtlety, no hint of manners or a welcoming, just ‘Ena Cigaro’.

Hmmm, you know what they say about first impressions. Well, rude pig summed up the kindest of them at the time, so out of purely a combination of shock and me being me, I reached for my Cigarettes and threw one up to him. He caught it, lit it and started smoking it before turning to ignore me – At this I called up, Hi, what’s your name in my best Greek. (I’ll just use ‘Christos’ for now) he replied, I extended the civil courtesy of ‘Harika’ (a welcome) in an attempt to diffuse his ignorance to no avail. He then disappeared into his appartment and on I went doing my own business. Some hours later when I’d finished trying to assemble some normality to my new home I went out to have a drink and sit in the sun only to see the remains of a Cigarette thrown down on my balcony area.

I thought to myself, Nah, no one could be so pathetic as that…

I was wrong. I kind of sunk into quiet disbelief and just didn’t know what to think about it. Now my Landlord had explained that there was a prick who’d lived upstairs however the term ‘prick’ clearly didn’t and still doesn’t do him justice. Regardless of whatever your think, a prick can be useful. This abomination has yet to ever prove that and I’d want witnesses as well.

So, we didn’t get off on the right foot. Later that night, I’d managed to get my bedroom in some sort of order and it was the back end of July, hot as hell and not much going on so I laid back on my bed and just relaxed for a while, trying to mull over the daily events.

By now it was getting late and I saw a light come on from above reflecting shadow down out onto the Balcony, currently highlighting a mingy hobbit foot perched on the railings above. After several minutes of him de-flemming himself audably I noticed him appear to peer over the Balcony and then spit a great big flem ball onto my floor. I jumped off the bed, turned on my outdoor light and shouted up at him only to be greeted with silence and no one there, just open Balcony doors.

I cursed a bit and then went in, not a good start.

The next day, low and behold if this f*ckhead didn’t appear on his balcony as if nothing had happened. ‘Ena Cigaro’ he barked… I was in complete shock, so much so that I just threw him a Cigarette to see what would happen today. By law of averages, even allowing for stupidity, him forgetting that someone lived here, for him accidentally dropping it and partly because I was in shock over such behaviour I had to see if it happened again.

This time, I was pleasantly surprised. He clearly saved it till he thought I was asleep or that my doors were shut before he threw it down and upon waking the next morning sure enough found one of my Cigarettes lying on the floor.

By now I’d met my neighbour to the left of me, a woman who is not just kind, but who is humane, well natured and what I hoped to consider as ‘normal’. The sort of person which makes having neighbours welcoming and in ways, almost old fashioned in it’s concept, someone with whom days would be more than just polite nods and asking about the weather etc.

Since we’ve both come to discover the true extent of what some socially retarded maggots are truly like.

Apart from the constant throwing of Cigarettes into our balconies, they then turned to providing us with all their waste hair, dirt, food and other such niceties. My neighbour in-particularly get’s all their used cotton buds and tooth picks thrown down on her and still does even though at a ‘meeting’ of residents whereby the key items being discussed were their p*ss poor behaviour, and yet this sick joke continues.

Apart from me highlighting the fact that this twat is always dragging furniture around in the middle of the night, hammering repeatedly whenever he feels like it, and slamming his shutter doors all through the night, other residents had also suffered as a result.

I had the misfortune of meeting the ‘brother’ one fine day when he rudely appeared over his balcony mid-August and started trying to cause problems when I was securing my balcony. We were expecting him though as we’d heard the pikie mongol upstairs on the phone to him previously, bitching about someone had moved in and was now living below…

The fact that me and my neighbour had gotten on I don’t think helped them as they had been causing her problems since she’d move in, in their eyes she now had an ally – which I like. And the fact that it’s since come out that they seemingly hate foreigners, animals, women and people with any semblance of dignity, manners or respect, things are have and will get interesting.

The Brother who lives above my neighbour is what I’d only assume a sad and pathetic man who suffers from little man syndrome. Having seen the way he treats his wife and kid and how he forms an intricate part of this circle of lies within which these people live is evidence of this and something that by his actions, behaviour and attitude further confirms this.

The hilarity is that they think they are smart doing all this, most occasions whereby they have come out to defend their brother (above me) for throwing Cigarettes down on me & for spitting, they have chosen to blame a woman who lives on the top floor who is never in.

Not only do I know this fact and know that this woman is not just hardly in, but no way likely to behave in such a way – WHO DOES? Secondly, having either seen it myself first hand, having had my neighbour witness it, or the fact that they are the only people above us in kind of gives it away a little.

Now, numerous slanging matches have gone on whereby now they have seemingly blamed just about everyone including ourselves for such actions, and that’s a yes – even OURSELVES for such activities. That it’s so pathetic it’s funny – in a kind of ridiculous way.

The resulting actions of these people has so far failed to stop and it was only today after a night of the cockless-wonder above me dragging his furniture around and banging through the night that by mid-day today, my neighbour who had endured not just another sleepless night thanks to this but she now had to endure her son (above) banging around all day as well as their hammering which I’m now kind of immune to that we joined in the fun too.

Her son sadly is f*cked, he’s only young and has no real chance in life when he see’s his parents living and treating people like this, and then there’s his uncle, a decrepid and spiteful man full of malice, so shamefully this child is used as a pawn in all this, of which they are quick to hide behind him after unleashing a torrent of abuse at US after WE have had to highlight THEIR pathetic behaviour AGAIN.

Conveniently it’s unfair for us to raise our voices after we’ve had to put up with their sh*te after they then come out and blame everyone for what’ve they’ve been doing for some eight months now. In part I agree, I wouldn’t like people yelling in front of my children either however firstly, I wouldn’t be spitting on people in the first place and then again I wouldn’t have my son around when it came to ‘adult’ discusions whereby you would have known that you were the subject of the talks.

Our first opportunity to resolve anything was when myself, my friend who had witnessed most of this and my landlord and neighbour confronted them about their activity, the ensuing farce still makes me laugh when after not denying a single thing, blaming everyone they could and then getting ‘mad’ and threatening to call the Police (lol), their IQ deficient brother (the one above me) said that we’d never prove it anyway.

Of course at the time this was all in Greek and I was getting a rough narrative on the fly by my friend – by the time I heard this I went mental but still managed to keep it fairly together, when I pressed him on why they’d been spraying chemicals on me and my cats, directly to the point that I could hardly breathe, he reiterated that we’d never prove it and called me a ‘Malaka’.

I knew ‘Malaka’. I didn’t need a translation for that. The penny dropped and I grabbed him and pushed him to the balcony in the hall.

(Throw his ugly stupid dead weight body over my brain was telling me in between, not good for your landlord to see you attempt murder over a fellow tenant), however the ‘Malaka’ word woke everyone up. I having all the reason in the world to call this prick still acknowledged him the privilege of some dignity ( wasted I know), however I did.

His brother then reared up like a little Ewok on steroids and threatened me which resulted in my getting all fired up and ready to party when I’ll be damned if my Landlord didn’t just get into the festive spirit too. (See, now what kind of a Landlord is that)…

It’s since become fairly obvious that these people have been at least part responsible for driving out tenants from my landlord and my neighbours landlord previously which is something now being addressed too however it was so rock ‘n’ roll to be stood in the hallway with my Landlord ready to rumble…

Fortunately the situation dissolved, and or unfortunately the situation dissolved, I’m still not sure about the outcome but either way, we learn’t a lot about these people that day. So did they, they’re plan had failed and back fired.

Since this day, it’s like one of them wakes up with a boner in the middle of the night whereby they try a ‘new’ ingenious way of trying to p*ss us off and make life hell, and it works.

We have been p*ssed off however WE haven’t now wasted nearly a year of our lives being malicious scum, losing sleep over trying to make someone’s life hell while they can.

This weekend just gone went one further though, a usual day here resulted in me being slightly sleep deprived through working on my new site and as per the norm – 30 minutes after he see’s that my lights have gone out he starts hammering.

Bad mistake, I react of course, grab my baseball bat and start banging at the ceiling as I have done now for months but as now they step it up when my neighbour leaves, they maybe didn’t expect for any more. Not that night.

I calmly went up, walked outside the lobby knowing he’d be peering through his keyhole window watching me go past, wondering what the hell I was going to do.

In some ways, I knew what was going to happen. I’d had the dream, over and over, night after night and it had become like a story unfolding, one to which I was just a passive stranger watching from the outside.

I had a cigarette, enjoyed the fresh air. It seemed to calm me. Then I stubbed it out, flicked it away and pressed his doorbell. I say pressed, I just kind of held it down.

It’s one of those horrific inner city buzzers you get too, I loved hearing it that one time, over, and over and over…


One minute passed, I knew no one would answer. For eight months now he’d hidden in the darkness of his flat until I’d screamed enough blue murder at him to cause others to take notice. I knew a coward when I saw one, or should I say, if I could see the one…

Two minutes…

Three minutes, and it’s fair to say I’d have been there all f*cking night too.

Maybe four minutes, had gone by and I saw his limp snivelling body appear in the hallway, (bingo, his door’s just shut behind him).

“Oi, f*ckface. What’s your problem AGAIN hammering at this hour.” I enquired… Θ)

He looked down his nose and as I managed to open the outside door, heard the back end of him saying “Ti – MALAKA”

“What – MALAKA” – You get one for free, the second comes with a pricetag.

By the time I’d gotten my foot through the main door he’d tried to scramble his sorry ass through his door but we both knew there wasn’t going to be enough time for that level of cowardice this particular night.

It’s fair to say that without anything getting lost in translation, I made my point. Had it not have been for his brother’s wife coming out to find me dragging him toward the main door in a headlock, who know’s – I may have been still ‘discussing matters’ early Sunday morning.

Of course, I was the problem – Goes without saying. Of course she didn’t hear him hammering some minutes earlier (or any of the other times previously except for when she blamed another tennant for it), but definitely not this time She didn’t hear his buzzer going for nearly five minutes either but me waking her with my loud behaviour did and apparently she saw the whole thing. LOL

If she HAD of been there, I’d have given her my phone to film it all, get some youtube feel good factor going on around the place for once…

Plus, there wasn’t any loud to it, in truth not much was said and I wasn’t mad, it was instinctive by this point, the loudest thing I was aware of at one point was when his head cracked of the floor at one point but that was just musical.

In fact I’d buy that on CD…

I camly went back down, had a drink and awaited the Police. Not much you can do in these circumstances. I called my dear friend who ‘again’ helped with my linguistics whilst dealing with what can only be described as the nicest Police officers you could ever hope to meet.

Kind, thoughtful and understanding of the situation.

I don’t ever like to lose control and rarely like to engage in such activity however if you’ve read any of my blog before this, you’ll understand that one can only hold out for so long before someone pushes you so far.

What happens next, who knows – I care little. For the first time in months I slept like a baby – The hammering stopped and I met some great Police officers. In some ways I should have done it months earlier however a voice inside of me, as well as several voices belonging to people I know and care for has been telling me not to. I tried.

I’m sorry – in some ways anyway.

Sorry I waited, sorry I didn’t get him outside, sorry I didn’t do it that first time, but mostly sorry for the few people in my life who don’t need this sh*t.

I’m only human too though and I can only bottle up so much anger against people with such disgusting habits as these scumbags have and chose to carry out against people.

So if you’re in the neighbourhood, or maybe one of the neighbours who live across, next to or within sight of me and you were wondering about that crazy English guy who’s often screaming up at the f*ckwit above him, now you know.

Sure, I’m English, but I’m a human being too, one well worth knowing if your a decent sort too…

Χαρήκα,  it will be nice to get to know some more human beings in this Country as I know there are lots about…

3 thoughts on “Meet the Malaka’s…

    1. Thanks Amanda, I think this will be a tough one to beat over here. The piece of sh*t is now moving out thankfully and good times will ensue, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, even if the tunnel takes a while to come out of…

      Likewise, great work with your blog too –

      Really well presented and done too, we’re a good lot us exHoughtites… lol


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