A penny for your thoughts, or else, or both.

“A penny for your thoughts” – What a beautiful saying.

It’s optimistic and playful, gentle and sweet, loving and kind whilst being inquisitive and expressing a somewhat genuine and sincere want and desire for a shared glimpse into ones most private and intimate thoughts, wished upon a person we hold dear, a friend, a lover, or even someone we look up to or admire.

Words play such an integral part of our daily lives that at times it’s easy to overlook the beauty of the things we say or write, think or share.

The things we learn, what we learn and who we learn from all shape our minds from an early age and subsequently become the mental Lego to which we build with daily, often without thought, understanding or the real passion from what and where it came from initially.

Experiences that we all battle through during our lives all help set a foundation for our own self tolerance, words and thoughts gained during these turbulent times can also impact the memories and heighten the awareness we have of such events and it’s the ability to constantly expand this knowledge base which makes language and how we use it a joy to behold.

Words however are just a tool, a means to an end, another of life’s many rich options whereby we can use, manipulate and piece thoughts and feelings together.

Of all the expressive means to which we have at our disposal, it also has to be the most confusing, stressful and manipulative processes that we willingly or subjectively have to cope with.

Differences between dialect, culture, people, intelligence and a lack of it can all help or hinder our progress when seeking to express our thoughts with others.

Then we have disposition, background, situation and circumstance, attitude and mood before we even start trying to decipher what is actually being said.

Feelings are pretty straight forward, you either have them or you don’t. Physical and emotional receptors are hard-wired into us as a species so it’s largely down to the individual as to how we all experience these, tolerance levels and psychological factors then allow us a tolerance which we ourselves decide or react to when it reaches our limits.

I like to call this the ‘f*ck it factor’. Whatever it is, be it physical or mental, emotional or otherwise at some point you get to a stage where it’s just too much. It may be involuntary, deliberate or it may be through caution and or self preservation.

Now obviously there are some people with minimal or reckless levels of this trait or ability, sensory awareness, and in some cases I guess these people end up being nominated for Darwin Awards if they don’t allow common sense to kick in when required.

The ‘f*ck it’ factor can also in certain circumstances be a positive thing also. Sometimes if your not sure about something but it feels good, it’s sounds good, or you’re curious to see where it leads, then why not.

“In for a penny in for a pound”, so to speak…

Unless you’re in Greece at present, obviously. The present economic state and the current exchange rate make ‘thinking’ a very high risk endeavour to say the least.

Never mind the fact that it first needs converting, have you seen what a pound’s worth these days!? There’s then the risk that by the time you’ve gone through the whole bureaucratic nightmare, the red tape and dealt with the numpty at the counter at the Tax Office, that Greece or the UK has possibly left the EU and your thought is now worth half a Duck Egg.

Then there’s Taxes. And yes, I know it sounds ridiculous, Taxes in Greece!!! But YES, it has happened. Not by those who should be f*cking paying them I might add, but the common people who somehow seem to be the ones unintentionally funding the State sponsored corruption etc etc.

Not hard to see why no one in Government wants anything to be Privatised is it???

And no wonder why no one’s got a thought worth hearing too.

A regular yearly kick back forever including family and everyone else you fund to vote your scrawny ass in, or one pay-off when they buy you out!? Tough choice…

So, by the time you’ve covered your Taxes, let alone dealt with the paperwork, the queues and the whole (what the hell just happened in the Tax Office concerning a simple enquiry thing, no, really, you have to experience this here), that penny for all it’s good intentions isn’t holding up very well at all.

There’s a high probability that you’ll quite possibly have to give someone an envelope full of cash too. No one knows why, but it’s somewhat of a tradition in certain circles of society and not just here either.

If I could get someone to give Cameron a Slap, I know more than enough people who’d fill that envelope, for sure. Previously when Gordon Brown was in, I passed around an envelope for people to give him a wedgie and it’s still doing the rounds, last I heard it was in South Africa and momentum hasn’t slowed.

So if you take into account all these factors, it’s easy to understand why sometimes thinking just isn’t worth the effort. Buying someone else’s even for a humble penny now seems unaffordable to say the least, and what you end up with is something you’ll never know till you commit to the exchange…

Assuming that after the financial burden of this now mammoth task you were still convinced on the acquisition of such thoughts, assuming that the frustrations of the Tax Office didn’t drive you to blowing the halfwit who’s only purpose in life is to screw you out of YOUR money’s brains all over the ceiling, AND assuming that by the time you have all the paperwork ready, in triplicate, witnessed by a lawyer, validated at a KEP office, and found somewhere that wasn’t still on f*cking strike to process this, then would you still want their thoughts?

I’m partially on the friendly side of having a slightly sadistic streak in me which after all this, would still go for broke. But that’s just me.

Experience teaches us much and yet it is never easy to gain exactly what we have learnt from it when we seek it.

Sure, putting your man sausage in a Beehive teaches you that there’s a high probability that you’ll get stung but at no point do you necessarily learn that you shouldn’t in fact put your man sausage in a Beehive in the first place.

No one teaches you this in general, and I know…

You know the saying “once bitten twice shy”, well with Bee’s you can multiply that by a few hundred at least, if you’re lucky.

School doesn’t teach us important things like this, no mention in Biology, not that I was really that bothered about all that when I was young but I’d have taken note of the ‘Don’t stick your dick in a Beehive lesson’.

The Church never mentioned it either, anywhere. An amended 11th commandment would be nice and it’s about time they brought all those up to date anyway. Plus I remember all those beautiful stained glass eulogies depicting all the Saints, usually being Holier than thou, (after all, that’s what they are I suppose), but surely these represent a great opportunity to be taught some of life’s valuable unwritten rules.

No one cares much about Saint Cuthbert when you’re a kid, but Saint Cuthbert, dick in a Beehive with a great big cross would be something you’d talk about all your life and for reference, I don’t mean nailed to a cross either, (we’ve already got that dude covered), I’m talking about a nice red cross which informs to even the most stupid of people that whatever is being done in the picture, is NOT to be done.

It’s not just about helping the Christian/Catholic Religion either, other faiths would benefit too.

Reincarnation would probably be taken a lot more serious if you knew you might come back as a Bee…

And so words, experiences and Honey all help guide our choices.

No Bee’s, we all die. It’s that simple, and run out of Honey obviously making words, language and communication only relevant for those yet to then discover our lifeless and barren world in years to come.

The ‘light’ and ‘dark’ of meaning is also never clear either, one persons interpretation can be as individual to the person as it is to the time.

These subtle nuances have probably caused wars in the past. I’m almost certain. History has shown us that as a species, we’ll happily murder anyone for so much as farting in our general direction.

We don’t waste time stereotyping, categorizing or racially differentiating others when sometimes a simple ‘he didn’t pass the duchy to the left hand side’ is enough to gouge their eyes out with a spoon.

Let’s face it, as a species we’re Evil. We worry about Aliens coming to probe our bottoms when I’m pretty sure they lie awake at night praying to their God(s) that there isn’t a human under the bed…

I know I do!

I’ve gotten so paranoid lately that I lie under my bed at night praying that their isn’t an Alien in my bottom. Seriously, my housemate cooked Broad Beans a couple of weeks ago and I swear to God someone swapped my sphincter with a Tuba.

I had to turn the power off for three days just in case any live electrical currents were about and daren’t bend over for two days in case I let one go and propelled myself through the wall and into next doors apartment.

So, how do we bridge the divide? Can we even when as people we all experience such a rich tapestry of emotional turbulence which holds us together as people?

I don’t know, I just write a blog so behave if you want answers from me. You want Therapy, try Google.

Not only do they provide a great index based search engine freely available on the internot, but as they are caught up in so much technology these days, I’m sure it won’t be long before you can download an app or upload your thoughts to some advanced cloud-drive thingamajig.

Can we share our experiences in a way others can actually identify with? Well, we try. We express and share what we can with others ever hoping to impart or capture the essence of what it is we seek to give to those wanting to learn, but can they ever know what we really mean?

We hope. Sometimes I suppose it’s not always in our interests to know every detail. The sheer difference in what we can understand may be too distant for many reasons, and so delicately expressing what we are able to is always the balance we seek.

Not always, some words just make you shudder and the thoughts of them, and at times wouldn’t want to be shared by any stretch of the imagination so it’s interesting to see both the ‘light’ and the ‘dark’ of a phrase, always, maybe, maybe not!?

The innocence we sometimes want to express can often be twisted by a sweet and yet deviously corrupt mind and equally as corrupted from the source, but can equally be tamed by the imagination just as the fires within can spark the flame when there is none.

And for some examples :

“I just had a sh*t” – Not even something you’d really want to share with those nearest and dearest really, but words we all know and use.

“I just had a sh*t day” however, now makes sense and removes all manner of initial fear about the person before us. One word added, it’s an all together different beast.

“Would you like a Popadum?” – In the context of having an Indian meal, something we all can embrace.

Said to a random stranger IN India, probably going to get you your throat cut.

The devils in the detail.

“That’s a nice pussy” – Endearing words indeed to someone with a beautiful cat but something no Gynaecologist should ever say. Ever…

“Have a grab of this, I need to know if it’s firm” – Ideal if you and your partner are out looking to buy vegetables of fruit but hardly acceptable if you’re a Streaker on a bus. After all, I think it’s widely known that Streaking is one of the few Silent Arts still left in circulation. And Mime obviously, some people still think that’s a ‘novelty’…

“Those hot little wet panties of yours” – Normally invoking not much thought on ‘said’ panties, now allows the mind to run wild, however in context, actually requires the full understanding of the meaning to be known before we can ascertain the true intent.

“Those hot little wet panties of yours need taking out of the washing machine” put it all into perspective. Clearly after washing the clothes, attention to not leave clothes in the washing machine and hang them out to dry etc is just common sense and a necessity when wanting to prolong and take care of items of clothing.

Language, words, a veritable orgy of intention, desire, experience and feelings which if we’re lucky, we get to share with others in a way that makes sense to both parties.

*Other examples shall be added upon request as clearly the material is of a delicate nature and the lessons we’ve learnt are many…

This is available as a download and just a small part of the educational material being taught in schools near YOU!!!

And if it is, we’re all f*cked.

Unfortunately the slightly less romantic interpretation in a Politically correct world gone mad is this :

“0.0126184 euro’s for your thoughts”.

And that sucks on a good day.


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