Try it now, so i did…

It’s been a while since I had freedom long enough to write anything of note however the ‘WordPress’ – (Have you tried our new home page quick form yet?) spurred me on…

So, I tried it, nothing special on the whole.

The earth didn’t move as such.

Handy if you’re that lazy you can’t be arsed to press the ‘add new post’ button I guess, but otherwise I don’t feel any better for rushing to press it.

Fortunately I don’t feel any worse either, so that’s a kind of result.

Today’s top search enquiries did make me chuckle though, apart from the usual culprits, ‘accidental penis exposure’ popped up twice…


Now, in itself it’s an amusing search term if nothing else, the fact that people search for it is (to me at least) even funnier.

Is it accidental in the fact that these people clearly accidentally exposed their penis to something or someone, or that they were doing something irrelevant and then found themselves with their penis hanging out?

I do like the idea of maybe a window cleaner on a high rise office block cleaning his windows whilst accidentally scaring all the office workers who happen to look across at him doing his job with his wedding veg on show, there’s a comedy moment if ever there was one.

The other alarming option could be that whilst working on something highly dangerous or toxic someone maybe exposed their penis to radiation or something and ended up with a mutant willy…

Not that the average penis isn’t far from being ‘mutant’ anyway, it just casts a worrying image of a new evil baddie for some new lame superhero film.

Doc Todger and his Cyber Mutant Penis trying to take over the world, again…

Not that Doc Todger has tried before and failed but I’d like to see Peter Parker’s face on that blockbuster, or aptly named cockbuster film…

The other random visits can sometimes be made up of Hitler, arses and KEELPNO, not much in them I know but frightening to think that someone may be looking for information on Hitler accidentally exposing himself!

Looks like he's got a floater!

Trying to take over the World did require commitment, and a clean willy…

Now, there’s a quality piece of war footage I’d like to see!

Not that I have a need to see Hitler’s sausage, but just because the long lasting mental images would be hilarious…

A Fest was had...

It wasn’t just difficult, it’s was like trying to find a sausage in a Darkroom…

Another favourite listing that shows up is peachyness…

If you didn’t already know,

It is the LAW…



Ok, let’s not dwell on past wars – let be positive and look to all the possible future ones…

Well, after my last note referring to the naming of one of the kittens Adolf – (which has stuck by the way) I was left feeling all nostalgic and caught in a bit of a mental twilight zone I guess, plus on SKAI TV here in Greece they’re showing that rather groovy documentary ‘Apocalypse’ starring everyone’s favourite Meglomaniac – Adolf (WW2) Hitler.

It’s sort of left me pondering a bit and so I felt the need to elaborate on the potential residue of the whole surreal after-taste that has been left in my brain…

Plus catching the end of a (what would happen in the event of a Nukefest being opened on your ass) show which was on last night gave me food for thought. Lots… As the guy calmly reminded me how horrific it would be, sweet dreams I thought. Should I check I locked the door again or should I just pray for a quick passing…

TV feeding our paranoia, well, mine anyway…

It’s maybe just the ‘Hitler’ factor induced by my rant, (not to be confused with the ‘X’ factor of course and although there are many similarities between Simon Cowell and the late Adolf ‘Blitzkrieg’ Hitler), I’m not sure if ‘Hitler’ would be as cruel as the many contestants who appear on TV to torture us year after year but I do like the Idea of a ‘Hitler’ factor though. People fighting it out to be the most evil Despot for the chance to be signed by a leading Arms manufacturer or something.

“My name’s Kostadis and my favourite Historical Maniac is Vlad the Impaler – Tonight I’m going to be crucifying people to the Rolling Stones’s ‘I Can’t get no Satisfaction’…

"Tonight I'm going to be Vlad the Impaler..."

"Tonight I'm going to be Vlad the Impaler..."

It would be a ratings winner I’m sure!

Meanwhile, despite the existence of the Geneva Convention and today’s Human Rights declaration, modern day activists and history itself, nothing it seems will ever protect us from such modern day misfortunes though. I am still on about X-Factor for those who weren’t sure… I neither like or hate the show, however I do enjoy it at it’s optimum stage when they are mercilessly allowing people who are clearly the Lee-Harvey Oswald’s of the Music Industry – (Patsy’s in a televisual assassination of the senses) kind of way to out contest each other barbarically. People should realise at an early age that half their friends and family were just humouring them, a few were deaf or ignorant to the whole concept of sound being produced with skill, and the others we’re just sick enough to hope they’d be THAT stupid that they would actually think they had a chance and would appear on one of the many shows which we all indulge in occasionally.

In Greece it’s a treat for me as I get to learn a little too whilst I get to reinforce my beliefs that music or lack of it is universal. If anything untalented Greek sounds better than English as it’s not only indecipherable but makes no sense either, bonus…

Firstly I believe that if you have what it takes to succeed in the Industry then you wouldn’t dare appear on such a program, you’d live the dream in all its multi coloured poverty stricken glory, dying to live for your art. If you need a choreographer to show you which foot goes where after a singing coach has taught you how to sing and your PR team has made you into a suitable package then you’re already f*cked to be fair.

I’m sure if you sampled a few Hitler speeches and ran them through a few processes then he’d be marketable again. After all they did it with Cher!

Meanwhile we often overlook the many good things to have come out of mankind’s ever growing need for Government sponsored Mass-murder, the penultimate game of life – War.

The very essence of it requires us to document it in any form possible, to film it, record it however we may and then shape it into epic films for ‘entertainment’ or snippets for news reviews or documentaries. It provides pages and pages of it in untold different formats and while technology advances to satisfy our craving for more, nothing supressess the need for knowledge on such matters. To provide analogies, to study it so we can be better at it the next time round, and to create ever more fearful opposition long before it exists.

Thankfully now we have the Penguin Investigation Bureau. They however can’t save us from everything.

We all like to gloat in our Victories and leap to the defence of our defeats and so dwelling on the past, as with most things in life it only serves to open maybe painful wounds which take time to heal.

To counter this mentality I suggest that now we plan ahead, we look forward to the next modern day conflict with enthusiasm and passion… Preparing ourselves for the inevitable is surely more intelligent than waiting till it happens? Am I wrong… I mean, it’s like those the people we read about who all burn to death after living under the shadow of a Volcano for years, people who get attacked by sharks after swimming in shark infested waters.

HELLO – Which of the most obvious warning signals did you miss out on first?

With recollections of all the many good war films they provide footage for, stories and of course, the many online games whereby we can relive those vital few seconds before we’re blown to kingdom come, shot through the head at range or in which we can have our throats slit lovingly by some nerd thousands of miles away in the comfort of their own home, maybe now’s a time to reflect on the what, when and if.

All that devastating carnage, history shows isn’t good for us.

I’m not saying we should all live in Nuclear bunkers or anything as drastic as that – I should, you do what you want, but maybe a little forward planning is an idea.

Currently relocating, please mind the land mines and trip wire... Be sure to sign the Insurance form before ringing the Bell!

Currently relocating, please mind the land mines and trip wire... Be sure to sign the Insurance form before ringing the Bell!

Picking up on North Korea lobbing a few more shells about AGAIN highlights the severity of things in one perspective. Why care, it’s thousands of miles away I hear you say, well, not so long ago some poor bast*rd in Stalingrad thought that about Jerry in WW2 till Hitler decided to go scrumping for red apples.

More appropriate though is maybe the marketing machine’s perspective. New weaponry always sells well, home based landmines, razor wire and a good automated sentry gun just to keep the wife at bay would be a winner to many marital enthusiasts anyway, add to this the fear of not just the global ‘War on Terror’ but the fear of any number of other Government made autrocities are looming near and then we can surely all tool up and get bizzy with it.

Kids love war, most men do too to be fair, and women whilst appearing to be the pacifying force in life are usually the cause for such scenarios. Helen of Troy to name but one case…

So why wait. It’s time to get into the whole future war ethic.

No more ‘Don’t mention the War’… Let’s, and lets remember, all the good they’ve brought us over the years. . . ?!

What would religion be without all the wars fought by all faiths over the years? The only ones not famous for war are the Hari krishna’s, so that must mean they’re about due soon so keep an eye on them if you see them in groups wandering about.

Be warned and beware. On behalf of the immortal words of the commentator on last night’s doomfest, ‘life could go from room temperature to over a million degrees in the blink of an eye’, assuming you still had an eye left…

My favourite bit was hearing him say that if the initial Blast didn’t kill you, the fireball that followed or the impending shockwave that would rupture all your organs before you were smashed against the 500 mile an hour winds that were hurling what was once your city into you, then the fallout and radiation would cause you ‘severe problems’.

You f*cking think so…?

The ‘Official’ bring back ‘Adolf’ Campaign…

Welcome to the ‘Official‘ bring back ‘Adolf‘ campaign.

Hi, my name's Adolf - I like games, painting, and WORLD DOMINATION...What do you do?"

Hi, my name's Adolf - I like games, painting, and WORLD DOMINATION...What do you do?"

You, me, people you know all have a duty to bring back good old ‘Adolf’ – and I’m making it my mission to highlight this issue wherever possible.

So, where do we begin…?

1. Firstly we need to raise awareness and educate people to the pro’s of bringing ‘Adolf‘ back.

2. We need publicity, TV, radio time, coverage in the papers and maybe a Multi-Corporate sponsored education drive to get the parents and kids on board, so if you know of people or friends or family that know people, spread the word.

3. We’ll need promotional material and government backing to get European support and Ι know a potential NGO that may be Interested as well as contacts at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs here in Greece which might help with the financing so we can get flyers, maybe an anonymous phone-line set up with the possibility of some extended projects to coordinate with the general populace.

(Not sure If we’ll win Germany over though, they’re a tough crowd as half of them liked a bit of ‘Adolf‘ and the other half got the sh*t bombed out of em for it…but you never know…!)

4. Manpower and (Womanpower) for all you sexist politically correct do-gooders, either way, we’ll need bum’s on seats, and probably some seats too as we haven’t got any of those either yet…

5. We also need Social networking and Internet mobilisation. We’ll need to get people blogging about it, creating pages, groups, sites, everything really, and we’ll need to get some famous people to step up and endorse the whole package. Maybe do a song like that ‘feed the world thing‘ for it to really take off but with the right faces I do believe we could pull it off. Take That, Lady Gaga maybe, she’d look good in some latex SS gear, think of the publicity people…!!!

It would be really nice to think that we could get someone like Madonna or Brangelina on-board as well, just so they could maybe adopt a little german just to show support and get the column inches flowing…

So far so good!

So why do we need to bring ‘Adolf’ back?

Well it’s obvious isn’t it…?

Firstly my dear little cat has recently just had kittens, and while I struggle for appropriate names at the minute, I had chosen to give them suitable nicknames for ease and practical reasons.

There’s one with a slight Ginger patch on his head who has been nicknamed ‘Ginger’, one who is slightly larger than the others who is all black and reminds me of one of my characters ‘Lee Roy’, and subsequently one which has two slightly dark markings on its head which does kind of remind me of Hitler with the fringe etc…

So, what's wrong with my name...?

So, what's wrong with my name...?

I’ve already been advised by friends that I couldn’t call it ‘Hitler‘ as it’s a surname. Despite the massive comedy value in standing in the garden calling out ‘ Hitler, dinner time…‘ and other such novelties to really freak my neighbours out more, and in a similar note I have met resistance, literally, (not ‘la french resistance’) – with the name ‘Adolf‘ which I think is rather suitable and befitting for a temporary name…

Isn’t history a cruel bitch… Subsequently since it has cast the poor name of Adolf into oblivion, along with other classics such as Vlad, Stalin and Norbert, I have chosen to seek change in a world which needs imagination re-injecting into its loins…

My aim is to raise awareness and bring back ‘Adolf‘. I personally prefer ‘Hitler‘ as previously mentioned. ‘Little Hitler‘ sounds really cute and if you could see him I’m sure you’d agree.

As soon as he’s got his eyes open and slips out of his SS Uniform I’ll post some pictures for you to decide upon, but please give ‘Adolf‘ another chance.

There’s a small chance that he may resemble Charlie Chaplin more but it does all depend on his moustache and whether or not he’s partial to a bit of fascism or not.

Thankfully most people are Orthrodox in Greece otherwise I could see religion maybe causing a few teething problems however so far apart from the Goose stepping and my own in built British Monty Python-esc desire to shout “Shnell” and salute, he / she seems to be developing rather well.

Just don’t mention the War, just in case…!

I’m thinking of throwing the whole name debate to the public forum to see what people think.

So there’s going to be a good chance of either ‘Adolf”, ‘Rasputin‘, ‘Little Lee-Harvey‘, or ‘Mumm-ra‘ (the evil ThunderCat villain)…

What do you think!

*(Images by unknown source)

George Bush : The Book – Mein Campf 2 (The sequel)

*Mein Campf 2 - The sequel

Iraq, Afghanistan and if I'd had time, Poland...

Well, Its got Best seller written all over it surely…?

Called ‘Decision Points’ – it will hopefully centre on 14 “historic and controversial” decisions Mr Bush made during his eight years in the White House.

1. First day in Office – Opening the Door on my own.
2. Discovered Europe and a few other countries exist.
3. Threaten that Mad Ass Hussein dude some more, dad never liked him.
4. Apparently under attack. Must find that Bin Laden fella we trained some years ago.
5. Discovered Mad Ass Hussein has chemicals of Mass Reduction. Hair dye, Bleach and a tube of squirty cheese, surely these are dangerous, must act now.
6. Sold Tony Blair an absolute Kipper about Mad Ass being more dangerous than the Spice Girls, he’s definitely on board now.
7. Once Tony’s sold the rest of his spare Military equipment to Mad Ass we’ll convince the world he’s mental and its game on.
8. Discussed the ethics of the ‘War on terror’ with my Military advisors and legal team.
9. Looking for new Military advisors and legal team.
10. Spoke to Tony, had a great laugh discussing strategies, decided on ‘Shock and Awe’ tactics.
11. Firstly, shock everyone by having no tactics and watch them stand back in awe…
12. Decided on a Peace strategy – Seems we Peaced everyone off.
13. Wow, its windy today, probably won’t decide on going to New Orleans for a while as everything seems ok so far.
14. Oops, been advised it apparently it isn’t.

“It also examines the former Texas governor’s decision to quit drinking, his discovery of faith and family relationships.”

Well, lets just all be very f*cking thankful he’d come off the drinking and believes in Faith…

What kind of faith is that then…? Or was I not at school that day! I know there are many people who aspire to be Jedi Knights, but it does seem that Bush got a little carried away with the whole Darth Vader take on the story if that’s the case. To be honest if he’d been wearing head to toe in Black I’d be a little more understanding on the man.

Fortunately you could hear people all over the world whispering to each other, “Since he came off the drink, he’s such a nice guy you know”… Before he quit, if he’d had a few beers it wouldn’t take him long to get his old Adolf Uniform on and start Goose stepping across the ranch. His wife always laughs about the story of when he woke up drunk wanting to Invade Poland, but thankfully he’s a changed man now.

So, it was worse than I feared…

Was he an alcoholic before he was voted in, or did everybody vote for a Drunk in the first place…? And yes, before people mention it, YES, we did know Tony Blair was a slimy egotistical f*ckwit maniac before he got into power.

Why people voted for him also is beyond me, but I’m sure if I were to look back at the competition it wouldn’t have been good either way, and one Muppet’s as good as the next. Whoever it would have been would have still been blowing Bush anyway so the name’s really redundant… But it is scary.

Is there really a need to waste supplies on printing such a book? Well i believe there is. In many parts of the world people often have to go without so many basic things that to own such a book would count for so much in the lives of the many affected by such touching stories, thankfully soon the kids of Baghdad will soon be able to have their own treasured copy of Bush’s memoirs to wipe their arses with…

(*Image by unknown source)