Me and the Feds… (Part 2)

Well, I wish I could say it was just a continuation of my previous rant about my earlier meeting with Greece’s finest Task force – but it isn’t.

STOP, failure to be a criminal or have committed any crimes is an offence...

STOP, failure to be a criminal or have committed any crimes is an offence...

This, my second and latest encounter nearly required a clean pair of underpants and a get out of Jail card after being exposed to a Police service seriously gone wrong. Actually it’s my third now I think about it, the other was when I was nearly run over outside my local Police station by my friendly Taxi driver for refusing to have him rob me… Fortunately they didn’t arrest me for being launched over his bonnet in full view of the numerous officers stood outside who all managed to see f*ck all at the time, and after discovering that he was blind drunk, being cautioned for being verbally abused by the Driver whilst waiting, and then to top it off, discovering that the Police couldn’t test him for alcohol (despite the stench and his inability to stand straight) so they later eventually allowed him to drive off and be on his way, I meanwhile – was fortunate enough to be allowed to go on my way without any charges!

Protect and serve – My arse will they…

For those of you unfamiliar with the Greek Police I shall try and explain.

A previous encounter with two officers in the centre of Athens whilst asking for directions resulted in the same degree of mistrust and suspicion as my latest encounter, however I was fortunate enough at the time to only require directions and so probably spared myself a beating for being lost.

The attitude and arrogance many of these ‘apparent’ protectors of society offer you is often hostile at best, intimidating and potentially volatile depending upon the degree of hormonal imbalance currently being exhibited at the time, multiply this by the number of other officers looking to ruin your day and you have a vague idea of what to expect.

I understand that Police don’t have an easy job in general, and the rigours of their chosen career path can have adverse social effects maybe, however having dealt with Police in Belgium/Holland, Germany and the UK, I have never once previously ever felt like my life was in danger as I do in Greece. Even when joking about Goosestepping with a German officer I never felt like I was in danger, sure he wasn’t amused but it’s a British thing, I just had to mention the War – it’s the Law…

In Greece people aren’t afraid of criminals, they’re afraid of the f*cking Police…

Having seen the recent riots at the weekend on the News whereby they were beating protesters and pepper spraying them in the Church doorway, to witnessing first hand them beating a group of drug users and homeless people in Exhareia over a year ago it never ceases to amaze me here.

On my latest expedition out I clearly happened to leave my house at just the wrong time of night, whilst deciding to casually walk down the wrong street, wearing the wrong clothes on the wrong day.

So, whilst crossing a junction on route to my friends house I noticed behind me the gentle rumble of what was clearly a number of motorbikes cruising along, nothing unfamiliar where I live however due to the location and the area I was in I did begin to wonder a little.

After some 50 feet or so I noticed that the number of bikes was clearly more than what I would have expected to be riding around this particular area at this time of night and by now it also seemed a little strange that they hadn’t passed me yet, either way regardless of this I carried on minding my own business. On closer inspection of the surrounding buildings I casually noticed a feint Blue light beginning to radiate off the walls and off the parked cars – Bollocks…

Suddenly I was very aware that things would probably get interesting in a ‘didn’t want it to get interesting’ kind of way and wondered if there were enough witnesses about for me to be safe… I also became VERY aware that the stupid voice that I’d been semi-conscious of for about a minute or so, was possibly coming from my new found friends, and may have explained the commotion that now seemed to be kicking in behind me.

As I turned I was greeted by the sight of maybe four or five officers on foot, three or four bikes riding along behind them and beyond that nothingness. Boy were they pleased to see me for some reason I thought to myself!

Two nearest the bikes were looking at me like they’d just found Saddam Hussein and the ones nearest to me nervously had their hands on their holsters and were shouting some rubbish in Greek at me.

Not getting shot can be considered as resisting arrest...

Not getting shot can be considered as resisting arrest...

My Greek’s getting better to be fair but it wasn’t the language barrier that would have been a problem at this point in time, right here right now it didn’t mean sh*t – they could have been speaking the Queens English and I wouldn’t have heard a damned thing. The sight of two officers about to pull their guns said all I needed to hear. STOP, don’t move, and WFT…

As I regained control of my senses, I could make out that they were addressing me and asking for some info whilst beckoning me to not make any rash movements, even if I had they wouldn’t have been visible as bowel movement is a tough one to spot in the Jeans I was wearing but I took extreme caution not to move hastily, or at all.

By now they were clearly pissed as to why I hadn’t possibly stopped earlier for their Circus, and now the fact that I hadn’t answered them either gave them suitable reason to begin to draw their weapons. I said in basic Greek I’m from the UK, and raised my hands as requested to do so by one of the officers as they all came to take note of the ‘situation’.

‘Etsi’, first thought, ‘don’t panic’ second thought, ‘no sexy female officers in uniform’ ARSE! no more thoughts…

Loitering with intent, loitering without a tent, either way we know your guilty......

Loitering with intent, loitering without a tent, either way we know your guilty......

One approached from the front as one stood to my left putting my hands behind my back loosely. He asked in Greek where I was from, I replied ‘Galatsi’, (my town) – he wasn’t suitably impressed and started rambling on in Greek, I wasn’t suitably impressed either but f*ck it, what can you do.

The other officer came over and begun asking me in broken English where I was from and what I was doing here, I replied that I was from the UK and had lived here for nearly 3 years and at that he seemed to calm a bit, slowly re-holstering his weapon. The other officer by now was motioning for the others to come over and I nervously waited for whatever it was to begin.

They seemed intent on someone anyway, I was instructed to empty all my pockets and stand with my legs apart, I slowly did this though when I went to take my phone and passport from my pocket the one behind me took caution a little too far by shouting something that I couldn’t quite make out. I hesitated and he shouted and begun making a fuss over what was in my pocket, I explained that it was just my phone and passport and he gingerly watched me place all my things on the ground.

I wasn’t carrying much fortunately, no Handguns, no Bowie knife, I’d left all my Drugs with the Dealer I don’t have and the Crocodile shoes I wasn’t wearing were safely still on the crocodile that I hadn’t killed or smuggled into the country, I did have a little bit of loose change however, not enough to put in a sock and smack someone round the head with but enough to clearly have jingle in my pocket, I also had a hand full of Plectrums, plus my lucky one – ( you never know when you might come across a Guitar, Guitarists will sympathise I’m sure), then there was my passport, mobile phone and keys. He flicked through them and questioned me about my Plectrums which I nearly laughed about, part nerves and part how do you explain ‘Plectrum’ to someone who clearly doesn’t know what they are already…? Thankfully the other officer who was watching intently recognised what they were and a discussion broke out, I assumed that it was on the same subject however it was over one of my keys on my keyring that vexed them. I have a dead bolt key lock from the UK, I’m sure you can get them here too but he’d obviously not seen one before and with the attitude which was coming out during this questioning was clearly a potential problem looming. Looking back now I wish I’d have said it was the key to my missile Silo as he looked like the type who’d have believed me, in which case you’d have never seen me again and I’d be writing this from inside a maximum security prison…

By now I’d already asked several times what this was all about only to discover that conveniently they’d both either become deaf, lost their ability to speak English or do anything other than get aggressive when asked. Fair enough, well, not really but on with the charade…What was I going to do, complain…?

By now the other officers had blocked off the remainder of the street and begun their pursuit of other foreigners, I noticed another unfortunate guy possibly Asian get dragged to the side behind some vehicles as the rest set about harassing others guilty of having done nothing wrong except be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

The ordeal went on for what seemed like eternity however eventually they warmed to the fact that they couldn’t shoot me, it must have been ten to fifteen minutes before they made me feel like I wasn’t going to get arrested for something, but I wasn’t ever entirely sure. One of the officers was still making an issue out of my dead bolt key and then insisted I surrendered it to him as it could be used as a weapon, well yes, in the same was all my other keys could be just as vicious… If only I could get a gun that fires key’s – I’d be lethal!

I begun to mildly protest and requested a receipt for it if he were to take it and unknowingly seemed to have pressed the Malaka button! At that he gestured to the other officer who had wandered away by now, he explained that maybe going to the station would resolve the matter and that things could drag on somewhat. Both officers went and chatted to the guy’s on the bikes for a few minutes eyeing me suspiciously as they seemed to decide my fate.

I just stood there, bemused, and thought ‘f*ck it’. I grabbed my phone and rang my friend who was expecting me, I explained the situation whereby the officer returned, gave me my key back and explained that I should be more careful in future.

Like as I wasn’t anyway! Carrying a set of deadly keys around certainly helped and knowing that anyone else with such weapons of mass destruction would similarly face the same ordeal is enough to make you behave anyway.

Let me just explain, where I live has a nice park nearby however at night it’s unlit and subject to the sort of worries you have about people hanging about dodgy area’s and suchlike. My only worry now whenever I pass it is that the f*cking Greek Police aren’t anywhere nearby so I can walk safely and freely through my own neighbourhood..

Me and the Feds (Part 1) :

https://fckdupathens.wordpress.com/2010/07/04/me-and-the-feds/

A Taxi, a fight, nearly getting run over and nearly arrested for the privilege… Welcome to Greece!

https://fckdupathens.wordpress.com/2010/07/03/other-highlights/

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Too many fckdup stories, just not enough time…

Well the News recently has been a veritable banquet of rich pickings to investigate if you’re inclined like me to wonder about the state of mankind as a whole, especially when it’s so dubiously presented, so ridiculously ripe full of stories which can’t help raise an eyebrow or two about the content and the things which actually either happen or are reported on these days!

Firstly there was several articles covering the ‘Moat’ story in the UK. For those of you unaware of it recently, some real head-case went crazy after coming out of prison, went on a rampage and had everyone except Bin Laden looking for him. Apparently 16 Police forces across Britain were involved, the S.A.S, several Marksmen unit’s and then to top it off, a Tornado Jet…!

WTF… How fast could this guy travel and what was he driving around in – a Chieftain Tank…?

I’m not sure of the specifics but a Tornado travelling at 850 mph would probably have as much chance of spotting him as I would with the Hubble telescope!

As for the man power being used to apprehend one guy, then it’s slightly worrying to say the least because if any more than three maniacs went on the rampage it seems like England would have to resort to the Draft to enlist a small Army of people to subdue them.

Lets face it, past records catching people haven’t been that good. 10 years of looking for the world’s tallest Terrorist have still proved fruitless. Bin Laden’s probably the tallest man in the whole of that region of the world and we still can’t spot him…! Surely the best thing to do would be to get everyone to stand up at the same time and arrest the tallest person in sight, just a guess but I’m sure it would have proven to have had more impact than sending troops scouring through the hills on a Mary Poppins chase.

The results of Tasering a man with a gun to his head...

The results of Tasering a man with a gun to his head...

The result of the ‘Moat’ saga was that he apparently blew his head off when being tasered by the police. That’s right, a man holding a gun to his head, desperate to end it all get’s 200,000 volts stuffed up him which surely wouldn’t have helped prolong his life much anyway. I’m no expert but I’d have though that If you’ve got a gun to your head and you suddenly light up like a Christmas tree then the first reaction your body’s going to have is to spasm a little. The fine line between you pulling the trigger involuntarily or not is probably removed from all possibilities when you suddenly start dancing about.

Maybe with so many Sharpshooters, Marksmen, the S.A.S, maybe an option would have been to blow his hand off western stylee… Even my beloved Grandma could have managed a simple shot like that to offer alternatives to trying to recharge him.

Anyway, maybe the Government and Police wanted to end the conflict one way or another, he had tried to kill several Police officers and had sort of Declared war on them so maybe it was retribution of sorts…

Either way, it’s a shame but at the end of the Day the world is one psychopathic idiot less, something I won’t be losing sleep over.

On the flip side of the News was a great story about my favourite Country – Belgium… And yes, that was sarcasm by the way.

It seems that in Belgium, people have grown weary of Burying the dead and Cremating them is also so last season… Some bright spark has devised a way of liquidating people. Not content with the usual process of disposing of your loved ones, now it appears we can have our dearly beloved’s turned into a Frappe!

I work on the principal that when your dead, your pretty much dead really, all that hogwash about staying pure and whole are pretty much irrelevant by the time your officially brain-dead. Same applies to a few who are so-called ‘Alive’ and unofficially brain-dead too!

In an Ideal world, sure it would be nice to be frozen and lie in wait peacefully till we are graciously thawed out and then cured of whatever ailment it was that killed us the first time round, however if you’ve ever frozen a strawberry or similar fruit and seen just how well it thaws out, you’ll understand my point. It’s not good.

Sure it keeps some flavour, even the colours roughly the same too but the soggy mush that was your nice firm fruit is replaced by a squishie…

Yes, that would be YOU that would…

Don’t expect them to find a cure for the humble squishie because they wont. FACT!

So, is it me or does the sound of having your loved ones turned into a soup sound a little off-putting…?

One of the mastermind’s behind the Idea said that test were imminent to see whether or not the liquid would affect the drainage system…

Thankfully getting rid of Aunt Hilda, Uncle Fred and John and Peter was a little easier with a slice of Toast...!

Thankfully getting rid of Aunt Hilda, Uncle Fred and John and Peter was a little easier with a slice of Toast...!

So, you come back from having your mum/dad, lover liquidated, and then have to wonder about how to dispose of the ‘Juice’…

Hmmm, I know, I’ll just flush them down the toilet! There’s a good Idea…

Who the f*ck even thinks of these things… Sure, I know quite a few people who I’d happily flush down the toilet, but chances are I won’t get their remains when they’re extracted, and secondly if I try to do it when they’re alive – I might be the one getting into trouble which sucks but surely, apart from maybe the pet Goldfish, who would ever dream of flushing someone you knew and cared for down the Loo…!?

Imagine having to call a Plumber out for that embarrassing blockage… “Well, thanks for coming at such short notice, you know, I’d just had a really good dump and then when Aunt Matilda went down she just clogged the U-Bend”…

So, my vote’s a firm No on that one!

My last little rant has to be on the World cup this year. What a load of overhyped Sh*te that was… I’m not hugely into football, mainly as for years England have been complete sh*te, now I’m in Greece I hoped they would progress further but sadly it wasn’t to be, and the rest of the countries who usually can kick a ball around all started playing football like a herd of sheep.

Brazil failed where they usually entertain and provide some magic and the rest fell apart like a cheap biscuit in a cup of hot Tea.

I was pleased for Spain though as I did always feel they deserved to win, mainly on the sheer depth of talent they have playing for them this tournament, and true class showed that even when they didn’t play great football, true champions always achieve the results in the end.

So, another four Years of watching the English media over hype a load of overpaid tossers begins AGAIN, and Manchester City begin negotiations on buying the Spanish side…

They think it’s all over… It is now…!

Me and the Feds…

It finally happened…
10:56 on 12 January 2010

I’m kind of shocked, but only so far as to say that I’m genuinely shocked that it took over a year and a half to finally happen.

My dear friends the beloved Greek Police to decide that I may be a sociopath, or if not, someone out getting Cat food and milk…

I clearly had the appearance of a maniac this morning as my cat was getting me seriously stressed as she’d run out of cat food late last night and the small bit she’d had left was snaffled by a local cheeky Tomcat, however it’s still not something that I would expect to be given the shakedown for.

I’m just thankful I’m not serving time, god forbid I’d have wanted chocolate or a loaf, who knows what could have happened to me!

I can only assume that the word has gotten out on my E’s a Dude Police officer’s, and how it coincidentally portrays them in a bad light… lol

E's the Law

Your initial reaction might be that we're here to help, but you'd be wrong...

I wish, admittedly. I probably don’t help myself normally as for over a year now after seeing the local Police in Exarhia beat a load of innocent homeless people for no reason other than being homeless, I do have a bad habit of staring them out, looking to see if they’d dare risk doing something stupid.

The numpty brigade on the Bikes are the worst, they cruise around on their little bikes like p*sspot warriors, thinking they look like something out of Mad Max. Sadly they don’t, they all come across as a bunch of pathetic, spoilt bullies who usually cause more trouble than they are there to prevent.

Fortunately I wasn’t alone today, the poor local immigrant population was also rounded up like cattle and subjected to worse treatment for, well, being foreign, and looking suspiciously like someone who’s struggling to survive, and clearly guilty of being subjected to Police Humiliation at every opportunity…

Definitely a reason to round them up. They spoke sufficient English to explain that I had to give my papers which bizarrely enough I actually had on me for once, yet when questioned about what this was for they suddenly lost all ability to communicate. This is a common issue with the Police here, and something that similarly happened to me when I was attacked by a drunken Taxi driver who tried to rob me who then proceeded to try to run me over outside the Police station in Galatsi last year…!

Thankfully the Police who I was fortunate enough to have harass me this morning were unlike those who I had to fortune to see in the Bar next to the Police station in Attiki some weeks past. That was like walking into Robocop’s Saloon, there had just been some mini riots in the centre of Athens and the Police were gearing themselves up to go out People whooping.

I think they must get some sort of bonus related smack down allowance as one officer had three truncheons! Three for Gods sake!!! One for each hand and I’m guessing that he tied the other to his dick and flapped it about all over the place when things got really out of control.

Seriously, he had one attached to each boot and a mini one hanging out of his nuclear, bullet/stab and fart proof jacket… Not to mention his gun and a family sized bag of tear gas to hand out.

E's the Law

Your looking suspiciously like someone who's about to get a Whooping...

So, I count myself as one small step closer to being accepted by Society. Having been screwed by the system here for my duration so far, having had to deal with the lies and corruption of ACTUP, KEELPNO and the Ministries that surround it I feel one step closer to being home…

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Other highlights…

A Taxi, a fight, nearly getting run over and nearly arrested for the privilege… Welcome to Greece!
17:30 on 20 February 2009

So, my Thursday was en eventful one… After two months trying to get paid from work, I finally managed to get half my money from my favourite boss, lol… Its amazing what the threat of legal action does to a guy who’s already facing an audit and being sued by just about everyone possible. So, anyway, I managed to get dragged into my favourite bar for a few before making my way to a friends for some crazy Greek eating meat celebration, to me not being able to eat properly for two months due to surviving on fresh air, eating meat is always a celebration, even more so now, so, on my way I did the usual and got a taxi, this is where my tale starts…

So, I jumped into a taxi after walking half the way due to the transport being a problem as the buses were on Strike or something yesterday, and I figured if I were to make it any where I would need one of Greece’s trusty Taxi’s to get me there.

My taxi driver seemed ok, there was another woman in the taxi anyway (as is the norm here in Greece to share a taxi), and fortunately she was on her way to Galatsi anyway, so all good so far. The meter was quite high but I didn’t really pay much attention as I normally only get charged about three or four euro’s to get where I go anyway, fortunately I was going to a friend’s house anyway which is just slightly further down the road and fortunately for me, near the local police station.

As we got nearer my destination the driver seemed quite merry in himself and I again thought nothing of it. Traffic was still bad and he managed to pull over opposite the Police station to reveal that the paltry ten minute trip was to cost me 9 euro’s… I laughed and told him to pull the other one, at this he got abusive and (fortunately for me not speaking so much Greek), I told him to hang fire for two minutes while I called my friend who would enquire as to what the f*ck he’d really expect to get from this…
He said a number of suggestions which were all met with the fact that I’ve been taking this route for nine months now and even when traffic is at its worst, it’s never cost more than 5 euro’s, usually even with a tip.

The only tip this twat got was to provide good lube if he was going to try to f*ck me, something that his English did enable him to grasp. I then proceeded to try to take his taxi number down whereby he tried to attack me, laughably we sat tussling in the taxi before I thought its easier to just get out and take a picture of his registration number, he then proceeded to try to run me over in front of the Police station, something that in other countries would be seen as serious, but alas not here in Greece, so I shouted the Police officer who was idly stood watching the whole incident, he slowly begun to walk over with two other officers who had curiously assembled themselves along the roadside.

The Taxi driver then got out and tried to attack me again, whereby we exchanged pleasantries and he was quickly reminded that the further pursuit of trying to rob me would resort to pain and probably him loosing his badge and his testicles should he carry on in this manner, as the Police arrived they quickly got us both into the station whereby he then started shouting insults and suchlike before the Station officer quickly told me to sit down and shut up, despite me having stood there in silence, I now stood there laughing openly at this prick and not saying a word, as humour and a good smug smile always push people over the edge if you play them right…Again, I was warned for receiving abuse, had I carried on receiving abuse I dread to think what would have happened, so go figure…

E's a Taxi Dude - 01

F*ck you I won't go where you tell me...

I called my friend who came to bear witness to this joke of a situation and who would assist me in staying out of Prison for nearly being robbed, attacked and then ran over…

As time went on it was clear to myself and the Police that this idiot had been drinking and when I requested that he be breathalysed, the Police said that sadly they didn’t have the capabilities in the Station… What the f*ck…

E's the Law

Do I look like I care...?

So in this country, who may I ask does breathalyse people…The Church? The main question now is apart from beating people, and shooting, pepper spraying anyone they like and giving tear gas about like Christmas presents, what do the Police actually do here…

I managed to be held for nearly an hour before the madness came to a sad and pointless end, the Police released him and despite my stark disbelief of the whole situation, despite my questioning of events, the Police who reluctantly let me go without charge. To concur they were the most unhelpful, ignorant clueless people you could ever want to call when you needed someone to supposedly act on behalf of the common person, the innocent and those who I thought were there to be protected…

The only officer who wasn’t hell-bent on trying to lock me up for life was the one who’d witnessed the whole event, and he said he couldn’t remember the whole incident anyway, despite it happening in front of him and no more than an hour away!

It turns out I can sue the prick on Monday when the Police have done whatever it is they need three days to do nothing about, and apart from being late, receiving a nasty bruise and scratch on my arm, I managed to witness the true sadness which is the state of the system here in Greece.

Fortunately myself and several colleagues are already in the motions of setting up a Human rights campaign here anyway and that will aim at corruption and civil rights, helping people who need advice and many other aspects within Greek society and the Mediterranean areas. Thankfully inspired by my involvement in ACTUP ΔΡΑΣΕ HELLAS which opened up the door on how badly people can and expect to be able to behave, however its only when you find yourself in a small and insignificant situation that you realise just how impossible it is to get help and justice here in Greece. God help those here who have no rights and seek some semblance of a normal life.

So, it’s not about the money, I’d just been paid and to be honest, 9 euro’s is the kind of money I’m glad to spend on a taxi having come from the UK, however having just had to threaten my boss with legal action again to get money owed to me after living a miserable existence since I arrived here anyway, I’m just sick of people screwing me about. Next time a taxi driver tries something like that they will be dropping me off in a dark secluded alleyway, whereby they’ll get a good look at the underside of their own car after I’ve cashed the cheque their lousy ass can’t pay…

Lesson to self, and everyone else maybe reading this, take no sh*t in life, and if someone f*ck’s you about, f*ck them harder…longer and meaner.

They won’t do it again.