We offer the latest Anti-Penguin advice that could save your life as well as information to help you help others on the following subjects :
What to do if your offered a Penguin.
What to do if your offered a Nun.
What to do if you’re not offered a Penguin.
What to do if you’re not offered a Nun.
How to spot a Penguin in a Habit.
How to spot a Nun in a Penguin outfit.
How to deal with Penguinism, and what to do if you feel your affected.
10 Random things you should know about your enemy :
1 – Penguins have always shown their ruthless streak, dating back to when one tried to kill Batman.
2 – It’s not always a good Idea to P-p-p-pick up a Penguin, you don’t know what their Intentions are.
3 – Penguins have been known to Camouflage themselves amongst gatherings of Nuns.
4 – Emperor Penguins have Ambitions higher than their status, Penguins should never be allowed to assume such a position.
5 – Penguins may appear to be drunk due to the way they walk but they are not, they are very much sober.
6 – Drunken Penguins can appear to be friendlier than they are but after one too many they may still wake up somewhere strange, naked smelling of Kebab so be warned.
7 – The Dwarf Penguin is so small that scientists don’t actually know if they exist.
8 – Don’t try to out swim a Penguin. Despite their small size they can reach speeds of up to 15 miles an hour and very rarely travel alone. One may fool you into water, but that’s only so that he can jump you with his Gang.
9 – Don’t assume Penguins can’t fly. With the cost of Flights so cheap these days its unfair to assume that the most modest of Penguins can’t afford at least an Economy Ticket.
10 – Don’t ever trust a Three foot Nun. Chances are it’s a Penguin in Disguise.