Legitimate urban survival in Greece.

Everyone’s looking to survive the crisis here in Greece and it’s only fair I enlighten you all to a new alternative way of ‘beating’ those economy blues, literally.

Having spent somewhat of an already distressed experience here in Greece struggling due to one thing or another, it dawned on me that due to a prehistoric legal system and laws which are enforced to protect the rich, and yes, (I use ‘enforced’ in the loosest sense of the word), that there is a way for the average citizen to earn money, legitimately and in light of the current situation here, it’s in abundance too.

‘Beating off’ the Blues…

I found out recently through misfortune obviously. There’s seldom the opportunity for the word ‘fortune’ here at present and unless you believe in Unicorns and your parents work for the State, you’ve got as much chance of finding it as you do Alexander’s Tomb.

Meanwhile, it costs the average citizen 100 to have the Police actually act upon a crime against an individual. So, to my way of thinking we have several options now available to us to help us survive the crisis.

Option 1

Firstly, it goes without saying, mugging the poor.

Let’s face it, it’ll be open season here thanks to previous Governments.

Obviously a special thanks needs to go out to Varoufakis and the clusterf*ck which was Syriza’s opening gambit in Europe, and luckily for us now more than half the population probably qualify including myself, so game on.

Anyone technically who has less than €199.99 is now fair game and qualifies immediately and we don’t discriminate either.

Poor, elderly, immigrants, refugee’s, and the homeless. That’s right, you’re all eligible and unlike most bureaucratic experiences here, we’ll cater to all.

Lets say you only take the €100, there’s still f*ck all they can do about it anyway. It’s genius.

Obviously you’d take the lot just in case they found a cent or two on the way to the station, (unlikely I know, even if the streets were paved with gold, that would have been ripped up and hurled at the Police during the last riots), and then there’s the station experience in itself.

Trust me, you have to be committed to the cause if you want to endure that nightmare, and I’m guessing that for most people, a few hundred Euro’s isn’t going to do it either.

If they have less than a hundred Euro’s, consider it travelling expenses, it all goes in the kitty. It’s like spamming, the more you target, the better the profit.

Technically you could argue that you’re in fact helping lower the crime rate too.

The majority of these kind of crimes clearly go unnoticed for this reason anyway, plus a possible beating and a good mugging not getting reported has to be classed as almost ‘prevention’ by definition. Preventing the crime being reported surely has to count for something…

Suffering a crime and expecting the law to do it’s job… LOL, it just showed how naive my grasp of Greek ‘law was and I’ve been here long enough to have known better. You’d have thought!

Option 2

My favourite option would be this one as it somewhat equals out the current divide between the rich and the poor, and again would not only also help lower the crime rate, but also distribute much needed wealth around the nation as a result.

Robbing the Rich.

Now the core strategy in this case for it to succeed is being thorough. You can’t half-measure you’re way into Papandreou’s house and leave him with a p*ss pot to p*ss in, you have to take the p*ss pot and everything else with it. And I DO mean everything.

Make him sign over the deeds to the property, have a few friends help empty it and ensure that everything from clothes to cleaning products are all gone too.

Ensuring the sum of his value when you leave him out on the street doesn’t exceed €100, you’re in business. What’s he gonna do!?

To help maximise on this opportunity I’m thinking of setting up a legitimate ‘Financial Distribution’ network based in Athens. Hell I reckon you could even turn it into an NGO while you’re at it and get the Government to help fund you so you could then rob them afterwards!

It’s not just genius, it’s legal too!

First we gather up all the hard working people here who have unwillingly helped these cretins stay in power or position as they fleeced us all for years, and then we go house to house en masse.

Tazer, pepper spray and a few metres of rope should do it as far as expenses go for each crew, hire a lorry or two and pick up a couple of  Souvlaki’s on the way home and before you know it, the nations thriving, the Economy’s booming and I’m sat in Tsipras armchair reading Varoufakis’ house deeds as I explain on Papandreou’s mobile to Merkel how we transformed the Nation into the Country it deserves to be.

Then, the fact that people deserving of the money taken have it ensures that they no doubt go out and buy things they’ve been denied for so long, thus reinvigorating the Economy further at the same time.

They don’t call me the ‘Saviour of the Nation’ for nothing you know! Well, actually, they haven’t called it me at all, yet.

‘Enemy of the state’, probably, ‘Interfering foreigner’, I’m guessing, ‘Malaka’, well to be honest, I’d be very disappointed if they haven’t, but still, I have hope yet.

Not to be called Malaka, obviously… I just need to step out my house to assume it’s going out live somewhere, but to hope that in fact the Justice this Nation once had returns to it for it to ‘Protect and Serve’ the public it presently fails to do.

Other ‘great’ ideas to help rejuvenate the Country can be found here :


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